Thursday, June 30, 2011

the porntastic world of Dominique Strauss-Kahn

On June 6, DSK pleaded "not guilty" of sexual assault and according to the New York Times, the defense has indicated that it will argue that any sexual encounter was consensual.
“Once the evidence is reviewed it will be clear that there was no element of forcible compulsion whatsoever, any evidence to the contrary is simply not credible,” said Benjamin Brafman, one of Mr. Strauss-Kahn’s lawyers.

Whether he's guilty or not of rape I will never buy the idea that a chambermaid would suddenly drop what she was doing, out of her own free will, and give a blowjob to an elderly stranger. There is only one place where this kind of thing happens - in olde tyme porno films.

Not that I have alot of experience with those, but based on what I've seen from the movie "Boogie Nights," pre-Internet porn tried to come up with stories - albeit absurd and cheezy stories.

So here's DSK's porno script:

(MUSIC CUE. Electric guitar with wah-wah effects pedal plays: "bow chicka bow-wow")


SHOT FROM BEHIND: The magnificent beast DSK, portly, graying, 60-something. All women want him, all men want to be him. DSK is drying himself with a towel.



Cleaning service.


Come een.

The maid enters. She is in her 30s, but even so, still attractive.


Oh, excuse me, I did not think there would be a semi-naked attractive man here.


Oh, zo you lahk what you see hahn? Well whaadabout zees?

He turns to the camera and drops his towel. Water from his shower still glistens on his big round belly, which is covered with gray hair. He is fully erect.


Oh, what a wonderful surprise.


Oh yes, Ah have a teep for you baybee. Hawn hawn hawn.


Oh magnificent man, I wish you to make love to me right now.


Oh Ahm zo zorree, Ah do nawt 'ave zee tahm to devote to l'amour as much as Ah would lahk - I am to meet mah dau-tair for zee luncheon in 'af-an-owair.


Oh you tease. But at least allow me to perform fellatio on you. You owe me at least that much.


Well, Ah can't leave you frustraited can Ah? But fairst Ah must lock ze door.


Oh you think of everything you magnificent beast.

She gets down on her knees.


Mais oui. Hawn hawn hawn. Now mahk eet queek, Ahm hongree beetch.


So am I!

MUSIC: Bow-chicka-bow-wow!