Tuesday, April 21, 2015

More something awful

So what's Andrew Bellware up to these days? Long-time readers of this blog will know him as the misogynist who attacked me personally because I blogged about his casting calls which require nudity but offer no pay.

Bellware is a good buddy of some actors I used in a production a few years ago, who turned out to be just awful people. As of his latest endeavor, Bellware has used all four of them in his movies.

OK, now, I despise these actors, absolutely. But even I wouldn't wish a Bellware movie on them.

Although at this point it's their own fault for agreeing to work for him, most likely for the usual fee of bupkis. By now it's a foregone conclusion that his movies will get scathing reviews. Although nothing quite as extreme as the hysterical commentary from Something Awful. And no, I had absolutely nothing to do with Bellware's work being brought to their attention, and I only discovered the SA reviews by lucky accident. I think they found him because he's rapidly becoming second only to Tommy Wiseau for bad director infamy.

Take the reviews for his latest movie, "Robot Revolution". Here is one example:
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Worst movie I ever saw! By Amazon Customer on March 11, 2015
Format: DVD
This movie makes PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE look like an Academy Award winner. I couldn't take more than 15 minutes of it.
One thing I really like about reading these reviews, besides naturally, the shadenfreude, is the fact that other people find Bellware's movies incoherent, as in a true epic saga of a review at Amazon, which concludes:
...As usual, there a lot of exposition, but most of it is incoherent. Only die-hard sci-fi fans may salvage something from this nonsense. If you're looking for a gory, shoot'em up saga with lots of profanity and nudity, you will definitely be disappointed by this one.
I had seen a couple of Bellware movies as well as read at least one screenplay, and I thought they were incoherent, but I also thought it was possible it was just me. Maybe I fast-forwarded too much. But no, it seems that Bellware simply just cannot tell a coherent story.

I wonder if it's his theater connection that is to blame. Many people in the theater world have no problem with plays that are incoherent. Hell, Mac Wellman has made a career of incoherence. But movie viewers are much less forgiving than theater audiences. They expect to have some clue what is going on.

Perhaps the saddest thing is the last sentence from the epic review. "If you're looking for a gory, shoot'em up saga with lots of profanity and nudity, you will definitely be disappointed by this one."

Wow. How bad is it when you can't even deliver gore, profanity and nudity in sufficient quantities? Not even nudity? What is he not-paying these people for?