The sublime religious parody now in video format!
Also - Hankisms
Atheism - Hank doesn't have an ass to kiss.
Christian Fundamentalism - Kiss Hank's ass and he'll give you a million dollars when you leave town. If you don't, he's going to kick the shit out of you. Read Karl's list, it's important. Only eat wieners on buns, without condiments.
Protestantism - It's OK, you don't have to kiss Hank's ass— but you'll want to, if you trust him. If you don't trust him, he's going to kick the shit out of you when you leave town. If you do trust him, he'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
Jehovah's Witnesses - Everybody in town should kiss Hank's ass, but only 144 are going to get a million dollars after Hank burns the town down, which we think will be Real Soon Now. Then he'll kick the shit out of anyone who didn't kiss his ass, and send the rest to a nicer, newer town. Here, have a pamphlet; it describes what we think we mean. We'll be back tomorrow to tell you why everyone else is kissing Hank's ass wrong.
Exodus Ministries - We love you, and we want to help you heal yourself of this terrible sickness of eating wieners The Wrong Way. Let us teach you to enjoy wieners only in buns, without condiments. Then, and only then, will you be allowed to kiss Hank's ass and collect your million dollars when you leave town.
Shi'A Islam - A long time ago, Karl died. Then his father-in-law tried to make his own list, but we know Karl's wife hid the real list and gave it to her son. Listen to Karl's wife's son, or we'll kick the shit out of you.
Sunni Islam - Baloney. You know Karl's father-in-law's list is the real one, and if you don't admit that, we'll kick the shit out of you.
Heaven's Gate - Kiss Karl's ass, and -- oh, wait, Karl just saw Hank's limo drive by. We're leaving town NOW to catch it.