Sonnet 1

My hopes drown on the bottom of the bay.
Brooding, I lie alone on a stark shore.
Beaten down by the predictable fray,
Prostrated I will never see you more.
I blame myself for my poor judgement: how
I dismissed any bad weather report;
The ill-starred forecastle of your port bow;
Your inability to find a port.
But still the white-foam-spraying dreams remain,
Sweating a sad tormented yearning girl.
Admitting that I may be quite insane
Again I search the oyster for the pearl.
No longer Gräfenberg the place will be -
The letter will forever stand for thee.

Sonnet 2

Because it is so enchanting and rare
The image is worn out from remembrance:
Your robe, your big grin, your toussled up hair,
Arms wide open, my soul’s deliverance.
The words of contrition only just now
Flew up through the air and into your eyes
I am all astonished, wondering how
This visitation occurred, this surprise.
Had I but known that this moment would be
The final ending of all of my means
I would have stayed longer than one two three
Snug in the arms of the man of my dreams.
In a moment you are gone, then I find
You were never that person, never kind.

Sonnet 3

Is it ever a mistake to love? Asks
The Philosopher-queen in the tower.
Psychic defense is the sternest of tasks,
Denial, control within her power.
And she answers: is it ever not? Pain
Is the result of love - a living hell
When your scarlet still-beating heart is twain
And yanked out bloody from your twitching shell.
I seek the salve intellectual, but
Revelation says: free will is not, when
Love is. Libido conquers brain, and Slut
Reigns supreme, makes me whisper yet again:
You vector of endless longing and sighs,
Come lie, sweetly naked, between my thighs.

Sonnet 4

Desire to communicate persists
Long after all final questions are posed,
Even when the other party resists
And says all your conversations are closed.
Human response to cosmic loneliness?
Acknowledgement there is no I in team?
Because life on earth is a scary mess?
Because in space no one can hear you scream?
I once was your satellite, you my sun,
You were glorious, my good example.
Snake perturbations, the orbit undone
And it’s over, we’re through, plain and simple.
I am a lone pulsar emitting verse
From the outer edge of your universe.

Sonnet 5

See the actor strut magnificently
On the stage, for the moment his kingdom,
Then stand contrapposto resplendently.
Oh god thy will be done, thy kingdom come.
Thrilling torment, my soul on his tether
I struggle to retain my sober sense
But then - red jacket, boots of black leather,
Breeches taut - offer my obedience.
Is this the very man I knew, truly
So sweet, so friendly, so unassuming,
Loses things, has gaps in his memory:
Is it all acting and fine costuming?
Divine enchantment - that's my position -
Does slay me, violates my volition.

Sonnet 6

My love was born out of a dream one night.
It was not planned, was almost aborted,
And its appearance was a sorry sight,
From conception frustrated and thwarted.
And my darling you did not much impress
When we met, in spite of the bizarre voice
Buzzing my head which I could not supress:
The sound of a serpent hissing "no choice."
So onto the ghastly uproar of late
So brutal, wicked, envy-bile green,
So purple with rage and blackened with hate,
So venomous, bitter, thuggish, obscene.
From this catastrophe, full, unreserved,
Glows my heart in your hands, so undeserved.

Sonnet 7

My cheek pressed against my enemy's chest -
O traitor soul please, no more wanton dreams:
Parting his lips with the tip of my breast
Caressing him into ecstatic screams.
End this torture - I will not be a slave
To his gentle firm masculinity.
He hurt me sans remorse, I cannot crave
Him anymore, it's pure insanity.
But nights I fall into his tender arms
To kiss his sweet neck I sacrifice years,
Decades to know his ineffable charms.
Then, in the morning, dissolve into tears.
To unconsciously long - oh tawdry fate -
For someone whom I most consciously hate.

Sonnet 8

If I kissed your sensitive fingertips;
Hugged you from behind, my chest to your back;
If I heard words of sweetness from your lips;
If you made love to me - the Earth would crack.
If I were to caress your face and hair
Or you on impulse kissed my hand, again,
The whole universe had better beware -
Moons would explode, and stars would collide then;
Volcanoes erupt; swarms of bees would sting;
Suns would go supernovea - planets roast;
Saruman would recover the One Ring,
Human civilization would be toast.
We can never together skyclad lie.
Small price to save the world, to make me cry.

Sonnet 9

How did you come to such a sorry state?
You offer shit for love, ill will for good,
And now you're middle-aged and it's too late
To learn to behave as a human should.
You had me fooled - give the devil his due -
Before the season of anguish unfurled
I had such great admiration for you,
Called you "the coolest straight guy in the world."
Is it a sociopathic nature,
Or a serious trauma to the head?
What is it that makes you so immature,
Makes you so unlikely to ever wed?
Out of such stuff cannot a husband make -
A stream of heartsick hearts bleed in your wake.

Sonnet 10

Sonnets do have therapeutic power
To soothe, but the world will finally win.
Tears will shower and anguish devour
Your whole sanguine self - a shame and a sin.
And instead of sublime felicity
It's a learning experience again:
"Don't trust so much, watch for duplicity,
Actors are jerks, especially the men."
So I freeze my heart intentionally
All beat up all torn down all black and blue.
No one else, but me, confidentially,
Will ever write love-sick sonnets for you.
You will know your error, I prophesy,
One day. Too late. Good-bye. Good-bye. Good-bye.